John Wood Here's Johnny!

John Wood Here’s Johnny!

John Wood Channels Andy Rooney

My name is John Wood and I was the children’s music reviewer for the NAPPA awards for 14 years, which should merit a medal of some sort – but it would probably entail a happy face and what’s so happy about a happy face? (Turn it upside down and it will rain on your day without the parade!) I am also the reviewer for, and I like long walks on the beach and am comfortable in jeans or Evening Wear.

The category selections for NAPPA entries ask that you check one of the appropriate boxes to define your target age range for your music. OK, so far so good. Now, most people lump into an “early elementary” slot that pretty well covers your entry, albeit against strong competition. But, don’t get me wrong; there is family music that I totally dig that won’t send me sharpening a Number 2 pencil to slam into my ear. But, here’s the rub. NO, your album is NOT for all ages and NO, parents will NOT listen to it after they drop the kids off at their prospective private and military schools.

Indeed, they imagine all sorts of ill-fates and indignities for that round spherical much-played gift from HELL! But hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

That labor of love was mostly birthed without drugs or a C-Section and most likely has a song at the beginning that references “Good Morning”, “Hello Sun!”, “Welcome” or the definitive version of “Wheels On The Bus” in some sort of otherworldly world rhythm. Be that as it may, but I digress.

Here’s what I am proposing: Let’s put that ‘good for ages 1-100’ CD to the test at Guantanamo Bay for 24/7 hours of listening pleasure – Bin Laden would have bought Old McDonald’s farm years ago and Global Warming would be no more! (Can I get a high paw polar bears!! Let’s Punk some unsuspecting adults in a trapped elevator and play some nuggets from ‘good for the entire family’ and witness an event that will make the Donner Party look like a trip to LEGOLAND – ‘scuse me are you gonna eat that?)

Oh, I know what you’re thinking this is what happens when reviewers go rogue – we’ve got a runner!! Naw, I’m just blogging my Twitter yo…What? –



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